Jesusluvsall's Blog

Last night I watched the series premiere of the new show Manifest. The show is about a flight that takes off and the crew and passengers think it has only been a flight of a few hours but find out they have been gone for five years. The characters have to deal with the fact that life marched on without them.

Anyone who has been through the experience of a health crisis can relate to the fact that life moves on. Life does not stop just because we are sick. People continue on with their lives, changes continue to happen, but for the person going through the struggle it is as if life for them stalled out and the rest of the world passed them by.

When I went through my first serious bout with autoimmune, my life completely stalled out. Life became about survival and that was it. There were numerous doctors’ appointments, tests, etc. It was one year of becoming sick, two years of being sick, and one year of recovering. Then it was transferring to a university in a city closer to me to finish my studies. I had left the university I was attending in Minneapolis due to being too sick to continue.

One day the realization hit me that between being a broke student and the years of being sick the results were that at an age others get married and start families, I was struggling to survive. Depression seemed to be knocking at my door if I dwelt on it too long. Why questions are natural to arise such as why me, why did this happen to me.

Since that time in the 1990s, I have been diagnosed with two more autoimmune problems. More recently foggy brain from Celiacs slowed me down for a while. Anyone living with a chronic disease knows that depression seems to want to accompany the chronic disease.

Over the past twenty three years since my first diagnosis, the Lord has led me to be on eleven ministry trips to other countries, start a ministry in my home city, teach ESL, and befriend numerous refugees and immigrants. I want to share something that has helped me.

I have tried to ask what questions instead of the usual why questions. Instead of asking why me Lord, I try to ask questions like:

What do you want me to do Lord?

What are you leading me to Lord?

Having been through the experience of almost dying has freed me up with the understanding of how short this life is. We are all going to die. What matters is how we live the lives God has given us.

There are many other things that have helped me along the way and many many people too. It is okay to ask for help. You are not alone. Jesus is beside you even if you can’t feel it. I know I did not at times when I was sick. But then there were also times I felt his presence so strongly that it kept me going.

Jesus always keeps his promises and he promised in Matthew 28:

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Thank you for reading. God Bless.