Jesusluvsall's Blog

It may sound strange, but for me there is something comforting about watching TV shows or movies with a story line of someone dealing with lost memory or a story line about someone who struggled with the effects of a prolonged illness.

I don’t want this to sound like a misery loves company type of thing at all. The reason watching such shows is comforting is if based on a true story like Brain on Fire, the realization hits me that others have experienced something similar to what I have.

It was long ago, but it is still with me in some ways. In the early 1990s, the Lord led me to be a part of a church that was going through a trial. The pastor’s wife was battling cancer. The Lord led me there to strengthen the church in various ways. It was an intense time of praying in the prayer room at the church as my base for ministry. One year after the pastor’s wife went home to be with the Lord, I left for school in Minneapolis.

In the summer of 1993, I started feeling fatigued easily. By the late fall that year, it was getting worse. In April 1994, I returned to my hometown thinking I was doing so to come home to die. My health continued downward and one of the effects was losing memory, a partial amnesia. I recovered from the illness, but not all of my memory. Most of the loss was from the years before getting sick while at that church. It felt like being in a fog.

The Lord blessed me through a song by Sarah McLachlan back at the time. The song was I Will Remember You. Though it was kind of a more romantic song type, it spoke to me especially the lyrics:

“I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories”

Each time I would hear the song or feel it with me, it seemed like God was giving me permission to move on and move forward to what he was calling me to.

I get flashes of memory at times especially vague flashes of the prayer room. I see a door I should go into almost like it is calling to me. However, that prayer room is long gone due to the building being expanded, a positive sign of growth and the Lord has led me on a different path of ministry among refugees and immigrants.

On rare occasions I visit that church such as I did for an adoption celebration there a few weeks ago. Before I left, I sat down in their new worship center and prayed for a few minutes asking the Lord to bless them while also confessing I still did not remember everything from my time there.

I embrace the path the Lord has led me down because he has blessed me with meeting, befriending, helping, and sharing his love with hundreds of people from numerous countries over the years. This is not a pity post, so please don’t misunderstand.

I share these things, because perhaps someone else will read this post and be encouraged that whatever we go through in this life, God is faithful. He can and will lead us out of turmoil in his timing and greater blessings can be ahead of us. But the scars are still there. We just need to not dwell on them.

The most comforting thought for me comes from Hebrews 6:

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.“

I may have lost some memory, but God hasn’t. He is keeping it for me for the day I go home to be with the Lord. In the meantime, the need is to press on and continue on the path he has led me to.

It should be encouraging for all of us who follow Jesus that God remembers all of the things we have done to show him love by helping his people because if we are honest, it isn’t possible for us to remember all those things. Like a good father, he remembers and treasures those memories.

Thank you for reading. God Bless.