This is a multi part shorts series of posts. Part 1 was about the decision to become a pastor and a key book in my life. Part 2 was about discovering an ability and my health beginning to decline while at school.
Part 3 today is about The Valley of Death.
I love Psalm 23:4- “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me”
The New International Versions states valley of the shadow of death as dark valley.
Either way it expresses so well what I experienced from April 1994 to July 1995. It was indeed a dark valley.
I had returned to my home city from the school where I was studying for the ministry with the thought that I was coming home to die. I also believed that Jesus led me to my new church First Free Church to pray for the church while I was dying. I would later find out the real reason for being led there.
My health progressively worsened. I could only work delivering pizzas part-time because of my health. I lived in a small apartment in the basement of a house.
In the fall of 1994, my feet swelled up and it hurt to walk. In the winter of 94/95 my hands swelled up. It was edema from being sick. I had little to no contact with the friends I had made at the church I went to before leaving for school due to changing denominations. There we no sympathetic ears to be found. It was a valley I walked through mostly alone except for Jesus and a married couple that were my friends when I first rededicated my like to Jesus.
When I would drive the delivery car for the restaurant, it only had a radio. Two songs on the radio seemed to tell my story, Streets of Philadelphia by Springsteen and I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan.
Even though Streets of Philadelphia was about dying from a different disease than my problem, the lyrics stuck with me:
I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone
At night I could hear the blood in my veins
It was just as black and whispering as the rain
One of the symptoms of what I had was memory loss. I would see people in public that I had known and they would greet me. I would say hi and move on wondering who the person was. That was why the lyrics of I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan spoke to me:
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Even with the pain getting progressively worse, losing memory, doctors not being able to diagnose me, and being for the most part alone, there were moments in that dark valley that Jesus met me.
The song that meant the most to me was Immanuel by Michael Card. There were times I would listen to the song while praying and it would feel like I was in eternity. It was the song I listened to when I returned home one night feeling discouraged that I could not remember what kind of car I had when I finished shopping at the market and had to walk around in the rain for 20 minutes until I could remember.
It was also the song that I was listening to as I was praying one night in July 1995. My prayer was:
“Jesus if tonight you want to take me home to heaven, that is ok, but there are more people who need help and more people who need to hear about you.”
When I finished praying, I felt the presence of Jesus come into my small apartment and felt a hand on my shoulder. The pain stopped. The next day I went to the doctor……….
Thank you for reading. God Bless. I am sharing the song that meant so much to me- Immanuel by Michael Card.
Wow! Amazing! Our God is our healer! And yes, He stays with us in the valley of the shadow of death. Praise the Lord!🙏🏻
Yes he does 🤗
Really appreciate your current blog series. Thanks for your faithfulness and for sharing!
Blessings, Jim
From: Jesusluvsall’s Blog
Reply-To: Jesusluvsall’s Blog
Date: Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 11:50 AM
To: Jim Carlson
Subject: [New post] A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to Becoming A Pastor- Part 3- The Valley of Death
jesusluvsall posted: ” This is a multi part shorts series of posts. Part 1 was about the decision to become a pastor and a key book in my life. Part 2 was about discovering an ability and my health beginning to decline while at school. Part 3 today is about The Valley of D”
Thank you Jim 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you Matt for sharing your journey, you have been through a lot but God has been faithful to walk with you
Yes he has
Thanks for sharing your journey Matt. It reminds me (again) of the limitless faithfulness of the Almighty. I praise Him for seeing you through that ordeal.
I often use Psalm 24 at funerals and memorials, particularly that verse you quoted, stressing the vital importance for us to keep walking (moving) through the darkness, as the worst thing we could do would be to stop there, thus be overwhelmed by the surroundings.
‘See’ you later,
Chuck
PS: I am a big fan of Springsteen’s early work
I liked his early work too
I would rank his second album, The Wild, The Innocent and the E Street shuffle as his best
Wow! Thank you for sharing your story Matt. God is with us always just as He was with you then and now.
Thank you my little sister
I enjoyed reading your story. God never left you and He never will!
He is always with us
Wow, amazing and glory to God the Father. Thank You Jesus for always knowing when to show up and you did it at the right time for Big Bro, also thank you so much for sharing your story. God bless.
Thanks, for sharing your testimony. God is with us. Immanuel! 🌺
Amen he is
God is indeed Emmanuel. Glad He showed up even when it was a season when others failed to. And God bless the hearts of the couple for sticking by as friends. 🙏
Nice song – He is indeed with us. Always present in our situations. 🙌
God is always us. He loves you little sister 🤗
Thank you for sharing your story 😊
Thank you for reading 🤗
Wow the pain stopped….
Such a beautiful testimony brother Matt…
Your heart is beautiful….
Your intentions are so pure…
That’s why to God you are so near…
Ive been selfish….when I’m in deep waters….I ask God to just carry me home instead….
You are a man of love and faith…
Of that there is no debate…
Lots of love brother Matt
And thank you for sharing that..
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you for your kind words little sister 😍😍😍😍😍😍🥰😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰
😍🤗🙏🏼😍🤗🙏🏼😍🤗🙏🏼😍🤗🙏🏼
🥰😍🤗🥰😂🙏🥰😍🙏🥰😍
this is such a powerful story Matt. Thank you so much for sharing this dark period of your suffering and the hope ever present.
Thank you my little sister. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this..it’s so neat to see where you are now after experiencing this season of your life. Your faith and kindness is such an encouragement to others!
Thank you for your kind words little sister 🙂